I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
