I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
