What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
