my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
