Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
