Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
