One girl and one boy is just not enough.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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