I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
