But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
