20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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