I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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