I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
