Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
