Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
