hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
