Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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