i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
