When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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