How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
