if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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