two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
