Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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