I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
