I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
