I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
