You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
