the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
