so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
another moral hangover. fuck.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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