This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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