I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The power of my boobs compel you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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