You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
