i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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