Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
