She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
