Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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