Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
