so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
