i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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