I think scott just propositioned me for sex
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
can u get pink eye on your cock?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All I want is dick and wine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
