dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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