and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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