Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
