This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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