i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
