chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
