i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
