I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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