This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
