Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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