I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
