Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
