I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
