fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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