Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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