I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
