I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
