When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
