Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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