The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
