Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
