just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We had sex on a dog bed..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
