she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
