yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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