Ambien. No doubt about it.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
