woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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