Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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