Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
