ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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